My Layers
I’ve never understood layers better. The way I’m seeing it, there are layers of me that keep manifesting according to people, surroundings and stimuli. Right now some one is being loud, and I am being indifferent. There are times when someone is being arrogant, and I reciprocate. There are also these times when I’m several different people while dealing with the same person; righteous and intolerant at one moment, magnanimous and tolerant at the other. When a dog is being adorable, I am loving; when he’s bringing my white shirts down, I’m the grandfather who lost his family because of the dog. I’m also a no nonsense employee sometimes; I lash out at my boss for no fault of hers. I am a pushover room mate, the typical sorry-ass guys in Hollywood movies who go ahead and magically change into some kind of chick magnet. But then again, there are so many other times when I don’t let my room mates forget my rights to German subtitles. There are also moments of love with the people i loathe, but they are rather brief and credulous. I’m shy and sometimes a touch impish with members of the opposite sex, specially the ones i don’t know. I lash out at the people I love for no fault of theirs as well. I am the fun positive guy who can see nothing wrong with life most of the time. But I also feel the stress of being bound to earthly responsibilities on Monday mornings. At these times, I can give pessimists a run for their money. The layers seem more like strings now, and they are entangled. Me being me, i pull and tighten the knots. So much for self actualization.
My Plains
Self analyzing is painfully long. So I’ve segregated the process into another segment. The plains I float on. I can also call them moods, but that doesn’t encompass the feeling of being on a certain plain. When you’re there, your mental state depends a lot on the plain your floating on. Feelings and emotions tend to bend themselves to fit the lengths and breadths of the plain. These plains that determine my layers on most ocassions. Again, there are more distinctive plains and the overlapping ones that are the mess most of us live in. There’s the coffee plain, where I’ve just gulped a cup of cappuccino and there is a balance of power between the body and the mind. Every organ seems individually personified. If I have to make a strange sound, there are no two ways about it. Rules of propriety and social acceptance take a backseat, to put it mildly. If channelized correctly, this energy helps sometimes. The coffee plain is a more of an individual type of a plain. The work plain is the perfect example of the overlapping I spoke about. There’s a motivation to finish of what’s on the desk and dedicate more time to activities I’m not necessarily getting paid for. There is the anticipation of the smoke break and then there is the realization of the break’s futility. Same with lunch and coffee breaks. On this plain I’m in ‘Employee Mode’; quality of work and people around mean squat. Then there’s the Alone – Music – Me plain. Though this plain is a summit I rarely touch, its something I would like to define myself by. This plain is what I live for; To sit alone, probably a bit high, listen or play, feel the breeze, watch the rain, or the sun, rise or set and so on. There’s the writing and self-loathing plain; and then comes the night; more reminiscent of a video game stage where you’re jumping these elevators in the air. I jump from one plain to the other as I’m scampering through thoughts in my head. Pleasant free fall-like sleep pangs intermediate my elevator jumping session and before you know it, I’m up. Brush, get dressed for work, feed turtle, gel hair; Yep, I am on the panic plain all right; one with reality…
